i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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