I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
