I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
