I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
