I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need to align my fucking chakras
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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