I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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