She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
