So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
