That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
