dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
