u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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