you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
