am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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