I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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