I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
