butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
