My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
