You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
