I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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