This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she smelled like a LAN party
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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