He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
