youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
