420 ftw
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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