I love black thongs
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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