I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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