awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
