my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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