Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
