He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
