I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
