Apparently you make a good broom.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
