even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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