And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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