you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
