why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
