I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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