so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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