One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He has the fingertips of a God
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