And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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