An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
