just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
