i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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