I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
