so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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