That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
