Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
