Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I need moral support for this bender
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
