if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
