she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
