Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
